


i love you

by DelightfulLittleGay



Series: College! [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys In Love, Gray-Romantic Ushijima Wakatoshi, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mild Language, One Shot, POV Third Person Limited, Queer Tendou Satori, Spring semester story, Tendou is an anxious bean and Ushijima is a gentle giant, Volleyball Dorks in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26094751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DelightfulLittleGay/pseuds/DelightfulLittleGay
Summary: "Satori want[ed] to go ahead and just say what had been building inside him ever since freshman year. I love you. But those three words seemed too risky, undeserved for someone like him...."Satori loves Ushijima, and he doesn't know what to do about it.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: College! [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1235171
Comments: 7
Kudos: 45





	i love you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! It's been a bit, but I wanted to reignite my writing spark with some fanfic. Here's a return to the college AU world with one of my new favorite characters from "Haikyu!" (we love our goblin boy Tendou) and this adorable ship. Also, it's not smut? It's mild angst? What is this? LOL
> 
> The title is obviously grabbed from Billie Eilish's song of the same name.

“Wakatoshi! Look at how bright that star is!”

Satori pointed up at the night sky, his exhales matching the burning white resting at the edge of his fingernail. Wakatoshi’s head moved between his legs to look, and Satori stifled a hum as his friend’s hair brushed against his jeans.

“It is very bright,” Wakatoshi mused.

“Right?” Satori drawled. “See, this is why we’re best friends, Wakatoshi! We agree on absolutely everything!”

“And I will be here for you no matter what,” Wakatoshi added, “because that’s what good friends do.”

Satori frowned as he murmured in agreement, arm lowering back to his side.

The two of us are only going to be friends. That’s all.

Satori remembered meeting Wakatoshi his first day on campus his freshman year, how his intense eyes and intimidating stature didn’t match the words flowing off his tongue. He seemed to contain subtlety beneath his aloof exterior and reminded Satori of himself, someone with a lot going on beneath the version the world saw. As much as Satori clowned around and smarmed his way through life, he didn’t think highly of himself. Growing up had been rough, full of bullying kids and hesitant adults. His eccentricities left people at a loss. So Satori weaponized them, ballooning his personality until he became a caricature of the kid he’d once been, until that stuck. It was fine. It was a coping mechanism to curb the rasps of doubt in his brain that told him he could never be who he thought he could be.

But meeting Wakatoshi had lit something like a spark in Satori. Here was a kindred spirit, someone who was like him. It was fascinating. He wanted to know more.

After that, they stuck together like glue.  Eita, Satori’s freshman roommate, described it once as the moment in a rock concert when electric guitar strums for the first time, an instant invigoration for the crowd. Satori didn’t really get it (he wasn’t a music major and only listened to hip hop when getting stoned out of his mind), but he understood that idea of becoming connected to something, especially someone. He and Wakatoshi would hang out in the dorm lobby, study together, and grab meals from the cafeteria if their schedules allowed it. There were even nights when Eita and Satori would go down to Wakatoshi’s dorm and stay there for hours, Eita painting his nails while Satori and Wakatoshi played catch with one of Wakatoshi’s volleyballs, Wakatoshi’s roommate Reon sitting cross-legged on the floor, the room full of chatter. Wakatoshi kept up with every subject that came up: Satori’s anime recommendations and jokes, Eita’s dry commentary on whatever happened to him that day, or Reon and Wakatoshi’s gameplay during the latest intramural sport. Satori, who jumped from subject to subject like a bouncy ball thrown against a wall, admired this, and he decided to sharpen his conversation skills until he and Wakatoshi became roommates for the rest of college.

Now it was the last semester of college for them, two months before graduation. Satori was too crossfaded to move after a night of partying; he’d been drinking and smoking with Eita and Yuuji in the back corner of some random senior’s apartment for what felt like an eternity but was really just a few hours. Wakatoshi had sat across from them the whole time, keeping a watchful eye and offering to carry Satori home, which he did now beneath a 2 a.m. sky. It was actions like those that made Satori want to go ahead and just say what had been building inside him ever since freshman year.

_I love you._

But those three words seemed too risky, undeserved for someone like him, so he tried his best to change the subject so his mind had an excuse to focus on something else, something that wasn’t his cavernous thoughts or the crunch of gravel beneath Wakatoshi’s shoes.

“I wonder what I would look like with a buzzcut,” Satori blurted out. He laughed as soon as the words left his mouth, gaze flitting back to the stars above him and his friend.

“That’s a random thought,” Wakatoshi said. “What made you think of that?”

Satori’s smile fell for a moment before it perked back up. “No reason, Wakatoshi! I just had this image in my mind of me in a buzzcut, and I liked it. Wouldn’t that be cool? I wouldn’t have to gel my hair every single day, and it’d give me a cool edge, don’t you think?”

Wakatoshi laughed a little, the rumble vibrating against the denim on either side of him. Satori held back a shiver. “I suppose so. Would you like me to cut it for you?”

“Not now.” Satori bit his lip and stared at his sweater sleeve, watching the cuff sway in the early morning breeze. “Maybe it’ll be a graduation present to myself.”

There was silence again as Wakatoshi kept walking. Satori tried to conjure up the image of himself in a buzzcut but failed to. All that came to mind was Wakatoshi running clippers through his hair, thumbs rubbing reassuring circles against his freshly shaven red locks.

“Do you ever think you’ll be in a relationship?”

The question slipped out without warning, and Satori quickly clamped his mouth shut.

_You idiot. Now look what you’ve done. You’re going to push the only friend away who really understands you away. Shut up._

Wakatoshi didn’t come to a stop like Satori thought he would. Instead, he pushed on, only glancing up at Satori for a second. “Are the alcohol and weed giving you a hand here?”

“No,” Satori replied. “I’m legitimately curious. What’s a gorgeous guy like you doing without someone to love?”

Wakatoshi moved his head down. “I’m not sure I’m interested in that, at least not fully.”

“What do you mean?”

Satori heard Wakatoshi sigh, a gentle whoosh of breath that floated up to the sky. “I believe I’m gray-romantic. I’m not interested in anyone sexually, but from time to time, I’ve thought about being in a romantic relationship. Most of the time, I find myself desiring someone who I can spend a lot of time with; it doesn’t matter who they are as long as I’m attracted to them in some way. But we’re almost done with school. Things have been pretty busy, and I’m unsure if I’ll ever have the time to really get to know someone on that level when I’m this young.”

_Wakatoshi: always so fucking eloquent._ Satori bit back a bitter bark and allowed his eyes to roll up to the stars once more. “I admire the way you think, friend.”

The rest of the walk back was quiet, steady breathing and gravel shifting the only sounds reaching Satori’s ears. He was tempted to lean forward and rest his chin on Wakatoshi’s shoulder, but that seemed like an open confession of his feelings. He couldn’t risk it. Wakatoshi had trusted him enough to talk about his sexuality, though. Maybe Satori could do the same?

_No, dumbass. That would be a disaster._

But it was only fair. Fuck his thoughts. Fuck the sacrifice he could be making. Fuck the doubt.

Wakatoshi stopped in front of their apartment just as Satori confessed, “I think I like you, Wakatoshi. As more than a friend.”

_There. I said it. Happy now?_

_What did I just do?_

“You can hop off now.”

Satori blinked and stole a glance at Wakatoshi. He stared at their front door, expression the same blank stare it always was. Satori’s heart thundered in his chest, hard enough that it felt like it was brushing against the cotton of his sweater. He slipped off his friend’s back, feet slapping the pavement as he uttered, “Whoopsies.” Hands dove into his sweater pocket before he could think better of it, whistling following not long after.

“Satori,” Wakatoshi whispered. “Please tell me you mean that.”

The whistling stopped.

“I do.” Satori’s voice cracked, and there they were, all the tears he’d been holding onto since the thought of telling Wakatoshi how he felt first crept into his mind, every demon telling him he couldn’t, shouldn’t, not when so much was on the line. “And it scares me, Wakatoshi. I haven’t felt anything like this before with anyone I’ve been with. You know I love to play around and not take things seriously. But these feelings for you have only been growing stronger the more time we spend together. I care about you a lot. You take me seriously. And I don’t want our relationship to be jeopardized by my loud mouth and how I think about you if you don’t feel the same way.”

His gaze shifted down to the cement, tears sliding to meet it with a splash. He couldn’t look up at Wakatoshi, not after this, probably not ever again, depending on what came next.

“Thank you, Satori.”

Satori’s eyes widened as he brought his head back up. There was a thin smile on Wakatoshi’s lips, something so small and insignificant on other people, but not on him. It startled Satori.

“W-what for?”

“For being honest,” Wakatoshi said. “I’m not sure how to explain it, but I had a feeling you cared about me in this way. I just didn’t know for sure. Now I know. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to meet your feelings in the same way, but I trust you and value you immensely. I love you, too, Satori.”

The world titled on its axis.

This wasn’t the response Satori was expecting, and now that he had it, he didn’t know what to do. He tried to laugh, but it sounded strangled, and it only made his tears flow more.

Wakatoshi stepped forward, extending a finger out to rest near Satori’s cheek. “Would you like me to wipe these away?”

It took every ounce of willpower Satori had to nod.

As soon as Wakatoshi’s finger brushed against Satori’s face, Satori’s heart lurched. He found himself leaning further into the touch, and when Wakatoshi pulled away, he sighed a little.

Wakatoshi shook his head. “You are something else, Satori.”

Satori grinned. “That’s why you love me, isn’t it?”

Wakatoshi chuckled, pulling out the apartment door key and turning away from his roommate. “Yes.”

That night, after getting ready for bed, Satori felt his heart pulse through his bare chest, smiling at the sensation. The world didn’t end. Wakatoshi liked him in some capacity. Maybe they could build something together after this.

Only time would tell, and even if that notion made him sad, it didn’t mean doomsday. They could always stay friends, even if that notion broke his heart, just a little, no matter how much he hated to admit it. It wasn’t fair to have those thoughts, but then again, that was Satori. His mind was always out to get him.

With this matter, though, it could be put at ease.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked this fic, kudo, bookmark, add it to a collection, or leave a comment. Whichever method you prefer.
> 
> Hope you're staying safe wherever you are in the world! Wear your mask, social distance, and stay educated on BIPOC, queer people, and disabled people however you can. We can make the world a better place one step at a time. Sending all the positive vibes.


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